Home
by casfics
Summary: Having settled down in her career, Lily is content and almost complete. Agreements normally suit her well, but when feelings are involved, it changes things.
1. Prologue

_**Prologue** :_

 _I stole a car last night,_

 _

Don't know where we're gonna go

But go ahead and drive

I will take you home

_

 _Honey, it's cold outside_

 _

And your jumper's torn

But, darling, hold on tight

I will keep you warm

_

 _And we will cry till this fire is drowned_

And we will write all our memories down

 _And we will drive till these tires wear out_

 _But darling I—I will take you home_

-x

Lily inhaled, counted to three, exhaled. Her eyes hovered upwards, watching the breath billow up into the chilly Autumn air.

Living on the outskirts of the city was something she appreciated. Cut off from the town, small yet just as significant as the next person. Blending in felt nice, pleasantly refreshing. The hum of traffic and buzz of commuters was not deafening, it was faint. The most hectic hour of the day still managing to be calm.

The wind occasionally blew, at irregular intervals and with force. Again, she didn't mind. Although it was cold, it made the park feel even more seasonal. Leaves fluttered down in ones and twos, making the concrete below appear to be on fire. Beautiful rich shades of red, orange, yellow, even some green. All of it compensated for the dropping temperature. She rubbed her hands together, fingers beginning to feel chilly. They'd reddened and she realised she'd been out for a while, just drinking in the atmosphere and her surroundings. It was time to go inside. A buzz interfered rudely. She fumbled around in her coat pocket, pulling out her phone to see a new message on the display.

'I'm passing. Coffee for two?'

With a little sigh, at herself more than anything (or anyone) else for not being able to let him wait, she typed out a reply.

'I'll be in the park square, on the bench.'


	2. The party and the idea

She spotted Iain almost straight away. A little figure in the distance, approaching with two coffee cups in hand. Ears reddened from the cold, pace quickening as he noticed her too. She allowed herself a little smile, and shuffled up on the bench to create some space for him. The space between them both seemed to close in, and Lily pulled herself out of her thoughts.

'Flat white?' She asked.

'Velvety.' He nodded, outstretching his arm. He didn't give it straight to her, though. He left his arm hanging in the open. She moved to take it off him, feeling the warmth of the polystyrene heat her freezing fingers. Their fingers brushed slightly. He wiped his hand on his trouser leg and took a sip from his own, sitting down beside her. Not too close. Lily just took little sips, not engaging in much conversation. She hated small talk, and he knew so, so it would be futile talking for the sake of it.

Finally, after not being able to bear the silence, Iain decided to pipe up.

'So, there's that gathering at Louise and Jez's new place tonight. Are you going along?' He asked.

She gave a sigh. 'I'm very busy. I'll pop in to show my face for an hour or so.'

'Fair enough. An hour? At least make it two.' He nudged her, not wanting the conversation to be any more stilted than it had to be.

'I am not exactly going to stare at my watch for the entire duration, am I? It will depend.' She sighed again.

'Alright, alright. I'm off. Thought I'd check with you, you know, so we have something to chat about instead of just, well... sitting here. We might as well be watching paint dry if we're going to sit in silence.' He said, with a smile. Lily received the joke with a forced, small smile that lasted all of one second.

'Lighten up, Lily!' He nudged her again.

'Can you stop that?' She snapped back.

Outraged, he gave a sigh. 'You want to be alone, clearly.' He concluded. Ever since the day after the funeral, she'd been giving him the cold shoulder, despite the fact they'd agreed to stay civil. This played in the back of his mind, and a little sadly, he realised that even though he was ready to forget, she evidently wasn't. She chose to stay quiet, so he gave a laugh. 'Right, thanks for letting me know where I stand. You're welcome about the drink, by the way.' He threw his cup in the bin and headed out of the park, without so much as turning round. Lily watched as he left. She wanted to call after him, but her lips stayed sealed. She pursed her mouth after he'd gone, letting out a steady, long breath.

-x-

'We like to drink with Ethan, cause Ethan is our mate. And when we drink with Ethan, he downs it all in 8, 7, 6-'

The noise of her colleagues chanting seemed deafening. They were certainly getting louder as the alcohol circulated their bloodstream, saturating their bodies. Lily thought of how they ought to know better, being medics and all. The liver damage would be irreversible. Her eyes scanned the room. Music blared out, people moved quickly from space to space, some dancing, some standing around. She glanced over to the snack table and saw Dylan standing there. Relieved to see someone who didn't appear to be enjoying it, she bounded over with a newfound enthusiasm.

'All those drinking games... stupid, aren't they?' Lily commented, trying to make conversation.

'What?'

'Those drinking games are stupid!' Lily's voice rose an octave, trying to be heard.

'Sorry, the music-' Dylan gestured by his ears, also getting louder.

'Those drinking games are stupid and dangerous! Infantile!' Lily shouted, not realising the music had been turned down. Several people turned to look, Louise in particular looked disgusted.

'If that's what you think, you can-' Louise begun, wiggling her head with the attitude she always managed to have.

'Lou...' Jez chimed in, gesturing a hand across his neck twice.

'Uh, yes. Rather daft.' Dylan nodded, and exited the room in the direction of the toilet. Lily hung her head slightly, and the music went back on. The shouting and chanting from her colleagues continued, even louder, almost as if to make a point.

'Good going.' Iain sidled up to the food, grabbing a sandwich and stuffing it in his mouth. Lily dropped her eyes once more, as if to avert them from his presence.

'Are you going to say a word to me today, or?'

'What am I meant to say? Yeah, I agree with you? Thanks a lot, Iain.' She sighed, running a hand through her hair.

'Nobody will mind.' He said.

'Louise seemed to.'

'She just feels empowered because she's had a drink or two. Honestly. It wasn't great, obviously, but people will forget. They know what you're like.' He said, picking up a napkin to hold a piece of cake in.

'Thanks for that.' She told him.

'Lily!' He called, as she walked away. 'You need to stop taking things so personally!' He licked the cake crumbs off his lips, then turned round to the others. He wished she'd join in, but he didn't want to waste the night trying to cajole her into having fun. With this in mind, he made his way back over to where Jez, Ethan, Louise, Max and Alicia were playing.

Hours quickly passed by, and it was after midnight before they realised. A few had gone home - Robyn needed to get back for Charlotte's babysitter, and Elle had her sons to get to. Dylan just wanted to be in bed at a respectable time. Lily, however, had found herself roped in to staying. She'd started chatting with one of Louise's friends from another ward, and minutes had turned to hours. Others had just dispersed of their own accord. Ethan and Alicia were present, somewhere in the background. They'd gone up to 'look at Louise's rooms' and never returned since - she estimated they'd been gone around an hour. Nobody was looking for them, and that was probably the way they wanted it.

Max had gone to walk Robyn home. Louise and Jez had also made their way upstairs, leaving Iain to clean up by himself. He picked up strewn party hats and discarded party poppers, throwing them into a black bin bag. Lily had made her way downstairs, and he clocked her with a smile.

'Starting to sober up. My head.' He winced. Lily smiled politely. 'Thought you'd have gone home to be fair. Well done for staying, though. I know you're not the biggest party person out there.'

'You could say that again,' She responded, eyes on stalks at the mess.

'You should've seen it before I started tidying.' He chuckled.

'I'll help.' She nodded, beginning to shove paper plates into the bin, slowly yet purposefully.

Noises, that were badly muffled by the floorboards, travelled down into the kitchen where they tidied. 'Everyone's at it.' Iain commented.

'I don't understand. It is Louise and Jez's party, they are supposed to be downstairs. Alicia and Ethan, well, it's rude of them! They are guests, they ought to have manners.' Lily said.

'Ought to, being the operative word.' He raised an eyebrow.

'True, it is Alicia.'

'That's not what I meant.' He gave a laugh all the same. 'I do agree though, they could've waited.'

'Zero patience, it's ridiculous.' Lily muttered as she tied a knot in the bin bag.

'Actually, I guess if they feel that way...' He shrugged. 'Then they do, don't they.'

'You're condoning it?' She asked.

'Course not so publicly, but I'm just saying. If I had someone to do it with, I probably would. The opportunity doesn't arise so often. It's not the worst thing in the world.'

Lily raised an eyebrow then, and looked down, embarrassed. He'd knowingly made things awkward. The atmosphere was heavy and suffocating; still Iain stifled a laugh. She looked up at him. 'Sorry, sorry.' He held his hands up, stumbling backwards over a chair leg.

'Are you still drunk?' She tried to change the subject.

'I only had a few, and I stopped a couple of hours ago. I didn't mean to make that uncomfortable, though I did a cracking job of it.'

'It's fine. I agree with what you said. Me too. Though, not at a party. I wouldn't bend on that one.' She gave a small smile as she sprayed down the work surfaces.

'Well then?' Iain held his hands, palm up.

'Yes?' She asked, clearly confused.

'Right, so we've established the fact that we argue like cat and dog and we can't get on solidly for more than 20 minutes, if we're in the same room as one another...' He begun, folding his arms and leaning against the counter top.

'I'm single. You're single. We enjoyed that night - or I did, anyway.' He said. Lily begun to nod slowly, her mouth feeling a little dry.

'Supposing we meet up a few times a week. It doesn't have to mean anything. We can remain friends, yet we get all the benefits of a relationship without the hassle or commitment!' He said, his voice slightly animated as he gave her the proposal.

'Let me check I have understood you correctly. You want to hook up often, as friends and nothing else?'

'Yeah. No emotional entanglement, bye bye confusion. This could really work for us both.' He told her.

'I don't like flings.' She replied shortly.

'I'm different, aren't I?'

She looked him in the eye then, and he held her gaze for a couple of seconds.

'You know what, I'm not even having this discussion.'

'I didn't mean to upset you.' He sighed.

'If you know me like you claim to, then why would you even suggest it?' She asked.

'Just think about it.' His voice faltered. She just blinked back the small tears that had formed in her eyes, and turned to leave. 'Lily!' He called, as he heard her putting her shoes on in the hallway. 'It's late. At least let me walk you home.'

'I'll call a taxi.' She replied, making sure to keep her eyes fixed firmly on anything that wasn't him.

'Save you the bother, I'll walk you.' He offered again, repeating himself. His offer was rebuffed, albeit nonverbally. He lingered in the doorway. She made a sort of strangled noise, and turned round, tears streaked down her face. His face fell.

'Because, okay?' She managed to choke out. 'I still... we argued so recently.'

'You're not over that, are you?' He sighed heavily. She sniffed, not answering the question.

'Offering to walk me home. It's nice, but gestures like that won't help things stay platonic.' She tried to be truthful, looking him in the eyes again. He wanted to move to wipe her tears, but then he knew he'd be contradicting what she'd said. All he could do was swallow hard and nod.

'I just wouldn't want you walking in the dark.' He told her.

'That's not the point,' She answered quietly. All he could do was nod again.

'Just think about it, yeah? Text me at some point tomorrow. No rush, obviously.' He told her.

'I'd tell you to text me when you get home, but would that upset you?' He was mindful to tread carefully with her.

'I will.' She nodded.

'Okay. Goodnight.'

'Goodnight.'


	3. Agreement

Iain glanced up when he heard the ping of his phone.

' _I'm home._ '

Nothing more, nothing less. He peeled back the covers of his bed, climbing in with his phone still in hand. He typed out a reply, then deleted it. He thought some more.

' _Good_.' He sent back, considering though blunt, it was perhaps right for the situation. A noticeable gap. No more messages, nothing. Finally, one last one, just before he shut his eyes for the night.

 _'I've been thinking. Are you free tomorrow? We could discuss what you said.'_

' _Yeah, I'm off tomorrow morning. We could meet for lunch? I'd say it's on me, but then you probably wouldn't be happy with that.'_

' _We can work it out then, along with everything else.'_

' _Okay. Night_ '

' _Night_ '

-x-

They sat in a quiet little café, her choice. It had been positioned in a back street, tucked away but very much a hidden gem.

It was lit dimly with fairy lights. Vintage furniture was scattered around. Some items scruffy and in desperate need of a lick of paint, some tasteful in their own right. Customers sipped their coffee demurely, most armed with newspapers or tatty paperback novels. Babies pummelled their fists on tables and squeaked in high chairs, couples conversed over a slice of cake or toast. Although busy, it managed to maintain a peaceful atmosphere. Everything in turn added to the character of the place, and helped contribute to the unique, cosy vibe.

'I can't believe you've brought a pen and paper to the table.' He chuckled.

'So we're clear,' She kept her face down but moved her eyes up to address him as she ruled off columns.

'Clear on what?'

'What we expect. If we're to do this, I mean.'

'Ah. I see you've come round then?' He gave her a small smile.

'I wouldn't go that far.' She picked up the pen again. 'I just think what you said made sense. Makes sense.' She corrected herself.

'So. First rule. No holding grudges against one another.' She said.

Iain couldn't help but laugh. 'That's your trick.' She ignored this comment.

'Rule number 2. No dates. That's no meals or coffees or anything. This is an exception.' She said, making eye contact with him now. He bit his tongue.

'Number 3. No cuddling.' She said. 'That one explains itself. Number 4, this whole thing stays a secret - that's important.'

Iain just nodded, his fingers steepled on the table.

'Number 5, honesty. Always honesty. Number 6, no jealousy. We can see other people romantically and that's fine. I think that's it.' She chewed the pen lid, looking up at him thoughtfully.

'Yeah, yeah. I mean, that sounds alright.' He nodded.

'Now for the boundaries. When and where do we meet?' She asked.

'Well. That's your call every bit as much as it's mine. Every other day for the first week? We can alternate. I don't mind starting.' He told her.

'Yeah.' She nodded. 'Obviously work will have to fit in around it. Sorry, that came out wrong. It will have to fit in round work.' They both laughed, embarrassed, and looked down simultaneously. 'We can stay friends, though. Just... friends with benefits. That sounds so clichéd and awful.' She winced.

'It's what we make it. And, since we've already done it before, it won't be awkward. Hopefully not, anyway.' He said.

She drummed her nails on the table, glancing up towards the kitchen. Still no sign of their meals.

'This place is great, but the service is so slow.' Iain sighed.

'Yeah. I'd heard good things though, and it looked pretty from the outside.' She said, sipping her drink. 'Can I just say as well, I'm sorry for not getting over the argument we had. I gave myself a talking to, and I won't hold it over you anymore.' She said, eyes apologetic.

'Nah, it's fine.' He dismissed it, fiddling with a napkin. 'Past is in the past, hey?' He smiled then. Lily wondered if she imagined his eyes twinkling, although he'd always given her the same smile. She'd seen him give it to other people too. In a bid to stop thinking too much, she picked up the piece of paper that glared up at them by one single corner.

'About rule 3...' Iain begun.

Lily spun it round, reading it. 'What about it?'

'Well...' He begun.

'We've already recognised that a relationship won't work for many reasons. If we start getting close like that, one or both of us will become attached. I don't want to hurt you or to be hurt.' She blinked, trying to be truthful. 'I'm not saying it should be, "have sex and leave", or anything silly. I'm just saying we want to go cautiously.'

Iain nodded, exhaling through pursed lips. 'That's fair enough, I suppose. This seems thought out, Lily.' He commented.

'Not really. I make things look more detailed than they are. Really, most things are improvised. It's not a facade, it's just being smart.' She told him.

'Hm, if you're sure.' Iain clearly wasn't convinced. 'Unless you spent hours devising it this morning?' He asked, a flicker of a smirk appearing.

'Don't be silly.' She chewed her lip slightly, thinking of how he'd sussed her straight away (either with a lucky guess, or intuition, or both). She wanted to tell him not to do that, not to flirt, not to make her chest tighten and her airways constrict like that. However, it was so subtle, she knew he could easily play the "who, me?" card and get away with it. It wouldn't be fair, but it would be typical. Instead of saying anything, she kept quiet. Quietness was safe. It always would be.


	4. Unexpected

( _ **S/O to the lovely TheBeautifulNerd who helped with the ideas for bits and pieces of this chapter. Thank you!)**_

Her heels squeaked across the polished floor, making a few colleagues glance up. Still embarrassed from the party, she shunned those who surrounded her until Louise tapped her.

'Here she is.' She commented.

Lily instantly felt defensive. 'What?'

'The vibe killer herself.' Louise smirked now, trying to gain approval from the others.

'I'm not in the mood, Louise.' Lily replied rather shortly, picking up a few loose documents from the side.

'I'd be more surprised if you were. You're not in the mood for much, are you?'

The paramedics walked through the door at that point, clearly on a break.

'Louise, don't, okay? Just don't.' Jez tried to put a hand on her shoulder, to which she brushed off and ignored.

Tears stung Lily's eyes. A hand flew up to catch them before they fell. She was confused as to why she'd even been so affected, and that only made things worse.

Iain hung in the doorway, looking on.

'Look, don't cry, I didn't-' Louise began to backpedal, realising she'd gone too far.

'No, I'm not. I-I need some air.' She brushed past them all, leaving the small crowd that had gathered to watch staring helplessly after her.

'Who's going after her, me or you?' Jez asked.

Me, Iain wanted to say. He was seconds away from saying it. It would be so easy to go out there and comfort her. Instead, he stood there in the corridor, unmoving.

'Iain?' Jez asked. 'Fine.' He broke into a jog, pushing open the doors as he went.

Iain turned to Louise. 'Well. Let's hope she isn't too upset.'

That was all he could push out, angry at her but not wanting things to get too out of hand.

-x-

'Hey, look, I'm sorry about her. Ignore her, she just likes trouble sometimes. You ready to come inside?' His voice rung in her ears, but she didn't care for what he was saying. She remained silent.

'Come on, ice princess, before you turn into real ice. It's chilly, you know. What is it Iain calls you? Giggles?'

'Chuckles.' She mumbled, not resisting the urge to correct a mistake.

'See, you have got a voice in there. I knew you did.' Jez said, affectionately putting an arm round her shoulder. 'Come on, come inside.'

'I don't want to, Jez. Just... just leave me alone, please.' She whispered. He saw the hurt flash in her eyes, and began to realise that there was perhaps more on her mind than she'd let on.

'Is there something else?' He frowned.

A pause. 'No.'

Truth be told, there wasn't really. She was just on a come down and wanted the evening to hurry up. Work was stressful, sure, but no more than usual.

'If you say so. The minute you need anything, come to me or Iain. I'll get Louise to apologise.' He said, beginning to walk off.

'Thank you, Jez, but there is no need. I uh.. overreacted. And she was right.' Lily gave a small nod, dropping her eyes. She didn't want to be dependent on anyone else, and although it was nice, she couldn't and wouldn't run to a man to jump to her defence. She had to, and wanted to, fight her own battles. Independence had always mattered to Lily, from the moment she could literally stand on her own two feet.

-x-

'Lily, can I speak to you for a moment?' Connie addressed her as she walked back through the doors.

Lily flicked her hair back. 'I am busy.'

'Too busy to chat to me?' Her voice was questioning, assertive and cool.

'Sorry. Of course not.' Lily replied meekly, stepping into the clinical lead's office as she held open the door.

'So. What's this I hear about you and Staff Nurse Tyler having a little showdown in my corridor?' Much alike to Lily, Connie was always careful with choosing her wording. The elegant articulation of each syllable almost sounded flirtatious if it weren't so cold and formal.

'It was unprofessional. I'm sorry.' Lily said quietly. Connie sat there, not saying anything, just observing her, almost taking the time to watch her squirm.

'Lily...' Connie gave a short laugh, then rested with a smile. 'You're not in trouble, far from it. I want to know what caused it.'

'That party the other night...' Lily begun, folding her hands in her lap as she went on to explain. Connie half listened, half scribbled something down.

'I'll talk to her about this.' The clinical lead nodded.

'Mrs Beauchamp... I don't wish for this to be blown up, and-' Lily was clearly flustered.

'No no, it won't be.' Connie replied. 'I'll just have a quick word with her, say that someone told me, like I did with you. Matters like these shouldn't come in to work. They stop us from doing our job as efficiently and adeptly as we do. Alright?' Connie slid the piece of paper towards Lily.

'Your email?' Lily asked.

'In case you need a chat. I'm not the monster everyone makes me out to be.' Connie gave her a smile then, looking from eye to eye, almost cautiously. She suspected there was something up with her, but she also knew that it was unlikely that she'd spill anything, in an office, in the middle of the day.

Lily returned the smile, nodding. She admired Connie even more.

'Th-thank you, Mrs Beauchamp.' Lily stumbled over her words, something she didn't normally do. She would do almost anything to impress her, get her approval. She sought for it, needed it, for it empowered her to work in such a capable and confident manner. She didn't feel better when she left, but she was certain a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

-x-

A ball of scrunched up paper flew through the air, hitting her on the side of the head. She flinched and looked up, all ready to shout at whoever was behind it, and saw Iain grinning all over his face.

'Hmph.' She gave a slight eye roll and looked back at her laptop.

'I saw that glare!' He gave a laugh, pointing.

'Don't play games, I'm trying...' She frowned at the screen. 'To work.' She muttered, scolding him under her breath.

He walked over and sat by her side on the sofa, which sagged with the extra weight.

'Remember whose pad you're actually in, anyway...' He squinted at the screen.

She frowned, pulling the screen away. 'Holby ED's? Just because you are a paramedic, doesn't mean you own the ambulance bay. I don't shun anyone who sits around in cubicles.'

'You _are_ on fine form, aren't you?'

She ignored this, clicking away on the keys, typing almost ferociously. He leaned to pick the paper that had fallen to the floor and fiddled with it, before getting bored and leaning to look at what she was doing.

'Nosy.' She remarked, still not looking up.

'What's so secret anyway? If it's just work documents, you'd have nothing to hide. Lily, you're not-' The grin reappeared on his face.

'No, I am _not_ ,' She chuckled now, interrupting him before he could get the rest of his sentence out. His smile reappeared, delighted that he'd got a reaction out of her. 'You are so annoying.'

'I'm not that annoying.'

'Like, I mean it. You really are.' She laughed, closing down the documents.

'How?' He asked.

'Just are. You'd do anything to get a reaction out of me.'

He tutted. 'Sorry. But listen, it made you smile, which is, well, it's the main thing. I've heard you've been a little down today - I'm all ears, if you want to talk.'

'I'd rather not, if that's okay.' She said, quietly.

'Yeah, fine, yeah.' He nodded, puffing his cheeks out and exhaling. It wasn't the response he'd expected somehow.

'How's your day been?' She asked.

'Mine? So-so, I suppose. Busy, but not with people who are actually ill or injured. Cold-callers galore. Ridiculous, really. So many people dial 999, we get sent out to find a woman in her forties with a headache. It's then that I realise where all the NHS money goes.' He sighed, taking a swig from the bottle of juice on the side.

'Any patients that stuck out?'

He thought for a second. 'Yeah, actually. Jez took a shine to an elderly woman. She was flirting with us both, bless her. In her 90s, fallen down the stairs. It didn't stop her from being jolly though. She sung all the way to the hospital.'

'High on pain relief?'

'No, just a cheerful demeanour.'

'Aw. The elderly patients are often the nicest.' Lily mused.

'Yeah, they are, aren't they?' Iain said, kicking his feet up.

'It's the younger ones that are troublesome. At least the older ones respect people.' She commented.

'Haha, yeah.'

It fell quiet, and their conversation had run dry. Lily had vowed to herself that, should they do such an arrangement, that there wouldn't be much talking or friendliness outside of the bedroom. That plan had fallen through, and it only served to make her even more uncomfortable.

' _I don't want to wait till tonight.'_

Iain broke the silence, glancing up at her.

'Well, tough.' She replied. 'It's hardly long.'

He turned and pressed his lips against hers, removing them after a couple of seconds.

'What are you doing?' She said, voice almost panicky.

'Alright, calm down. What does it look like I'm doing?' He replied, voice quieter.

'I really don't know.' She managed to push him, and knowing that she wouldn't be able to physically move him off her, he shuffled himself to sit beside her, though reluctantly. He knew he had to respect her wishes.

'Right, who knows you're out here, and who will look for you?' He asked. She didn't answer. 'Well?'

'I'm not even replying to that, I-'

'No one.' He answered his own question. 'You were flirty with me, don't tell me you would pass this up.' He chuckled.

She smiled then, trying to cover her face with her hand. He took her wrist, holding it back. 'See. Nobody will come in, it's fine.' He told her.

'I'm putting so much trust in you.' She looked anguished.

'Every time we do this, you're already doing that. Don't worry.'

'Ugh...' She managed to utter, before putting her lips back to his. 'This is not good. Not good at all. Imagine if we're caught. I'm potentially risking my job, my career!'

He stifled a laugh then, moving away from her lips so he could talk. 'Oh yeah. We sacked Lily Chao, because she was getting some in the ambulance bay. Never employ her as a doctor...'

'Stop it!'

'Well! There's no rules against it, is there? You have to admit, it's funny.'

'It's hardly professional though. And I... am very professional.'

'Then you're changing things up a bit. Variety is the spice of life, and all that jazz.'

'I take heed, oh wise one.' She muttered, rolling her eyes.

'You're going to roll those eyes right back into your head one day.' He kissed her again, while she giggled, though it was muffled by her blouse being lifted over her head.

'This one has buttons.' She hissed.

'Undo them yourself then!' He replied, hissing back at her.

'Shall I take the same attitude with your belt?' She whispered, as innocently as she could manage.

'Well, it wouldn't be in your best interests to.'

'Shut up.'

She tried to focus on what they were doing and how it felt, but her mind wandered every so often to how wrong it was already. The arrangement could not be permanent. Many of the rules she'd outlined had already been broken in minutes. They were on borrowed time, and it was as simple and as complicated as that.


	5. Pillow talk

The noise of vehicles coming and going filtered through the closed ambulance doors. The floor was beginning to hurt Lily's back, but she daren't move for fear of knocking into him. They were still, side by side, untouching, less than a couple of inches between their bodies. Items of clothing had been left in the staffroom, so instead of going to get them and stopping shivering, they begun to talk.

A small sigh, but not one out of annoyance. The sort of sigh that communicated his desire for her to just ask away, instead of seeking permission.

'Anything.' He said, voice still a little too deep and throaty.

'Okay, well, it was something I thought of the other night, when you left. Why is it that goodnights always feel like goodbyes?' Her eyes hovered over his face, gentle yet questioning.

Tyres screeched on the concrete outside.

'They don't, do they?' He replied, rather bluntly.

She gave a little groan. 'Maybe this isn't the time.'

'It is,' He reached out before he could stop himself, millimetres away from her hand. His hand hovered in the air, grinding to a halt just before their eyes met. Her eyebrows raised slightly, a small yet noticeable reminder that it would be too far. His voice turned to a whisper. 'Just, go on.'

'They just do. You always see someone in passing and wish them good morning, and that's hello. When you say goodnight, it always means bye.'

'Yeah. Start of the day, end of the day. Can't say it's ever popped into my head before.' He replied, with a yawn.

'How did we end up in here?' She mumbled the question, changing the subject. Iain frowned to himself, but made a mental note to bring it up another time.

'We're starting a trend, ambo and chill.' He smiled to himself.

'That is... dreadful. Also, I'm fairly certain that you have to know about a trend to practice it - no one knows.'

He laughed. 'You're such a stickler for detail, aren't you? You can't ever let it drop.'

'Details are important.'

He chuckled again, for she had missed the point completely. 'Yes, they are.'

'Hm. Well, they don't call me Lily Chao for nothing.'

He wanted to agree, he did agree. He wanted to verbalise it. Tell her that was why he liked her. He didn't. Mouth remaining dry, he sat up, rubbing at his face (probably too violently) before closing his eyes with a sigh.

'Until tomorrow.' She gave a weak smile.

'Yeah, that was... good.' He stretched to unlock the doors, then turned round, confusion plastered on his expression. 'You staying there then?'

'I can't come out, my clothes-' She gestured towards the door with an arm.

'Oh. Yeah.' He said. 'Coast is clear, though.'

'I'm not risking it.'

'Want my jacket?'

She sighed noisily. 'We've been through this. Plus, I think I could talk my way out of not having clothes, should anyone see me. It would be much harder to explain why your jacket was wrapped round my waist.'

'Alright. I'll bring them over then.' He nodded.

'Thanks.'

Lily hadn't even had much time to sit and think about events before he reappeared, her skirt folded across his arms, expression grim. She just shook her head at him, prompting him to explain.

'Folded, beneath my locker, of all places. Pretty sure we didn't do that.' His eyes blinked shut, forehead wrinkling with regret.

She stayed quiet for a few seconds, then managed to gain some composure.

'Maybe it was a cleaner.'

He gave her a scornful look.

'Shit. Shit. What next?' She bit her lip, concerned.

'What do you mean, what next? Nothing, clearly.' He checked his phone. 'It's past 3. Time has clearly ran away with itself.'

'Past 3? I was meant to be working!' She begun to panic, genuinely.

'So was I!' His mouth said one thing, but he continued to scroll through his notifications as if he had all the time in the world.

'You're not even acting bothered. This could cost me my job. I'm going to have to get dressed and then-then go and see Mrs Beauchamp.'

'Course I'm bothered, but there's nothing that can be done. I wouldn't go try and curry favour. If she's noticed, then it would be best to let the dust settle.' He slid his phone back into his pocket.

'This whole thing was a mistake.' She pulled her skirt up, yanking at the zip more and more as it refused to budge.

'Look, let me...' His hands moved to try and dislodge the material caught between the plastic teeth, he placed one on her waist without realising to steady his other hand.

'Get off!' She went to bat his hand away, but connected with it harder than she intended to and ended up hitting him with quite some force. Hurt flashed across his face. He narrowed his eyes, then held his palms up to her, stepping back.

'I'm away, alright? The fabric's caught, that is _all_.' His voice was low, accusing in its own right, and it somehow managed to make her feel even worse.

'I'm sorry, I am-'

'You're right, I can see it. It was a mistake.' He nodded.

'Iain, please-' Her voice came out tearful.

'Oh, don't turn on the waterworks.' He sighed, then saw her face wobble. 'I mean we got far too close. Too friendly, when it should just be... well, sex. We shouldn't have stayed to talk. These rules aren't working and we've barely even begun.' He looked troubled.

She took a sharp intake of breath, as if to feel brave, then managed a smile. 'I was going to say that. Can we do things differently from now on? I'd like to just... forget today and do it as we originally said.'

He tilted his head to one side, eyes full of hurt. She was good at most things, but she was terrible at lying. All the same, he managed a nod.


	6. Drinks

She'd been there for quite some time before it happened. Just lying there, languishing, rather. She should have been working, but her mind felt mushy with fatigue.

She heard Connie before she saw her, high heels making an awful sound against the flooring outside. She held her breath.

'You okay? Busy shift?' Connie managed a smile. Lily was taken aback.

'Uh, I suppose.' She told her.

'Good to see you're feeling a little better from earlier.' Something was definitely amiss, something was just different. The warmness in her voice, although welcome, was unnerving too.

'Was it you?' Lily whispered.

The clinical lead just furrowed her brow in response, confused.

'You?' Lily asked again, delicately gesturing to her skirt. Connie cleared her throat.

'Everyone else has gone home. You should too.'

'Thought I'd get in a few more hours.' Lily just whispered.

'You're exhausted. You looked as if you were about to nod off when I walked in.'

'Just having two minutes, that is all.' Lily replied.

'Go home, Lily.' Connie turned around slowly, reaching for the door handle. 'Your home, may I suggest.'

-x-

One ring, two rings, three. Lily chewed a nail, anxious. Four. Then a crackle of the speaker.

'What's wrong?'

She felt her chest sink. Why was it always assumed that something was wrong? She wished, more than anything, she could just ring for a chat. It was almost as if he was keeping her at arms length on purpose - that was exactly what he was doing.

'Lily? What's wrong?' The first thing she noticed was how shocked he sounded to hear from her. Odd, she thought.

'It was Connie.'

'What was?'

'The clothes.'

'Oh, uh. Right. Are you sure?' He asked, though she could tell he didn't care to find out.

'Yeah, that was the implication. Oh, what do I do now?' She gulped, audibly worried.

'I, I don't know.' He gabbled. 'I don't know. Look, um. We'll, well... we'll talk about it tomorrow. Might not have even been her.'

'It was, she came to-'

'Right, Lily? Lily. I need to go. Speak soon. Don't worry.'

The dialling tone cut off and it was silent. His mind had clearly been elsewhere. She could hear the rushed tone, the nature and length of the call. He didn't want to know, obviously, and he didn't care. Or perhaps he did care, but not enough to even afford her the decency of a phone call. His parting advice was 'don't worry.' Ironic, since that had now given her more things to worry about with it being so brief.

She'd only wanted two minutes. _Friends_ could stay on the phone for two minutes. _Friends_ could stay on the phone for an hour. It stung. Without much thought, she picked up the phone and dialled it again, punching in different numbers this time.

'Lily? What's wrong?' A word for word repeat of the sentence Iain had uttered not twenty minutes previous. She felt miffed. There was no way that Alicia would've known. Why was it that everyone immediately thought she wouldn't talk to them without a serious reason?

'You know all about guys, don't you?' Lily asked.

'Um...' Alicia said, whilst Lily began to realise she had come across wrong.

'Sorry. I mean, you're good at dating. And I'm not. And I need your help.' Lily said, voice now a faint whisper down the phone.

'Have you been drinking?' Alicia asked, dubious.

'No, honestly, I swear. I've just done too many nights in the past two weeks, I can't really think straight. And I have a problem...' She sounded teary.

'Why are you ringing me? We don't even talk at work, not really...'

'Because you could help.'

'Don't know whether to be pleased or offended...' She said, obviously still cautious.

'Alicia...'

'You're clearly upset. I'll come over. Can I bring Ethan? You can say no.'

'Can it just be you?'

'Yeah, sure. I'll have to just leave the child his drink and his dinner in the fridge then first.' She said.

'Okay.' Lily managed to giggle, despite being upset.

-x-

'I brought... wine.' Alicia pulled a bottle from her bag. Although not a big drinker, Lily could tell it was expensive. 'And chocolate. You're going to tell me exactly what's happened.' She almost jumped on the sofa, landing and crossing her legs. Lily winced at the enthusiasm shown. Too much energy, too late in the day. However, she knew it was her one (and probably only) chance of advice, so she had to tolerate it.

'So. What is it? Show me a picture. Bet he's not even cute.' She said, popping the cork on the wine with a tug.

'I can't, that's the thing.' Lily knitted her fingers together, anguished.

'Why?' Alicia looked puzzled.

'Because... we aren't together, and you know him.'

Alicia's eyes lit up. 'You have to tell now. Go on, you only fancy them. I won't say anything.'

'Is it... Iain?' She asked.

Lily just shook her head once, though her heart rate had quickened.

'Max? Jez?' Alicia questioned, to which Lily shook her head again.

'Dylan?' Alicia asked, and then saw a hesitation from Lily. 'Oh my God, it is, isn't it? It's Dylan!'

'No, Alicia-'

'Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Do you just fancy him then?'

'Pretend we never had that conversation, and answer me something objectively. I don't know much about relationships. Can friends with benefits work well?'

'Well, that all depends, doesn't it? Yeah, they can. It depends on the people. It depends if there's feelings beforehand. Never sleep with a friend you want to keep.' She nodded.

'I'd say you're wise, but maybe that's the wrong word.' Lily smiled.

'Experienced.' Alicia corrected. 'You just have to make sure you don't get too attached, and vice versa. I had something like that in uni, and he got attached, I just knew. I could feel that I would go the same way if we didn't end things. So, that was that. It's a good idea, in my view. You get the sex without the hassle. You wouldn't find it too hard keeping your distance.'

Lily just nodded, thoughtfully. She didn't agree with everything Alicia said, but she did make some good points.

'So, tell me.' Lily started, desperate to change the subject off herself. 'How's Ethan?'

'Ah. He's coping, sort of, anyway. He's still getting out of bed. He made me dinner the other day for no reason. Think he feels guilty, bless him.' Alicia sipped her wine, eyes unmoving from the red liquid. Lily understood, all at once, that she had her own demons too.

'And you?'

'Yeah. Obviously it's, uh, it's sad. It gets better, though. Grief.' She nodded.

'It definitely does, I can attest to that.'

The pair just laid on the sofa, talking about anything and everything. Somehow, despite the fact they had nothing much in common, they managed to fill an entire evening with conversation after conversation and most importantly, laughter.

-x-

Lily stumbled into her bedroom, practically tumbling onto the bed. She rolled on something hard, so reached and pulled out and unfinished book from the morning. She opened the page, then stopped when a searing pain ripped through her head. So much wine. _Too_ much wine. Alicia was a bad influence. She begun to read, flicking a page carelessly. Her eyes couldn't focus and she couldn't make sense of the words. She "finished" the chapter, and came to the start of the next one. A poem introduced it. Droplets spattered on the page as she read, and even in her semi-drunken state, she managed to make sense of it all too well.

 _~Wait for me at the end of time,_

 _When the stars collide and the_

 _Planets weep._

 _Wait for me at the end of time,_

 _When the clocks smile at the_

 _Long held jest, and cease._

 _Wait for me at the end of time,_

 _When the desert is the sea and the_

 _Sand is us._

 _Wait for me at the end of time,_

 _Because it will be the beginning of us,_

 _With nothing of those little days_

 _And false concerns_

 _To drive us apart, away from_

 _Each other and ourselves~_

 _(- storydj)_


	7. Photograph

**Thanks everyone for your lovely comments, really appreciated and means so much to know what you think. Bit of a filler chapter, and only short.**

'What you doing?' He asked, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

'Just looking.' She commented, flicking through the pages of the book.

'Looking at what?'

'These photos.' She said, and before he had chance to respond, she followed it up with another comment. 'They were lying around, I swear.'

'They're embarrassing, just kick it under the bed.' He told her, with a sigh.

'Let me look. I won't laugh, it's cute.'

'Cute?'

'Yeah.'

He sighed again. 'If it keeps you happy, I suppose. I'm off to make a panini. Can I get you anything?'

'Some toast, please.' She nodded.

'Course.'

In seconds, he'd gone, and she was left alone in his room with the album sitting in front of her. The first picture was cute - a baby in the snow, with a woman that looked suspiciously like what Lily imagined Iain's mother to have looked like 30 years previous. She looked down adoringly at her son, and he was all smiles for the camera. She flicked through a few at once, skipping years out, till she reached quite a later one. He sat with a tiny bundle - a baby. The photo was obviously very posed, and he had a surly expression on his face. She giggled at this, realising he hadn't enjoyed being pushed out the limelight when Gem was born.

'I hear you laughing.' His voice carried through. 'Is it the shaving one?'

'Actually, no. It's the one where you look such a proud big brother.'

'Oh!'

'Well, you've now given me one to search for after.'

It took a few seconds only for his head to appear in the doorway. 'Genuinely, don't Lily. That one's embarrassing.'

'It'll be cute, how bad can it be? If you were a child...'

'I wasn't! It's so... awkward. Promise me you won't look at it too long?'

'Who cares? I'm just a friend.' Knowing that she'd had the final say, and that there was no counter argument for that, she began to sift through pages again.

Iain winced, running his fingers down his face as he watched.

'I smell burning,' Lily just commented matter-of-factly.

'Oh, Christ! The toast!' He ran back towards the kitchen. 'That's your doing.'

'Not sure it strictly is...' She replied, raising her voice so he could hear. She came across the photo and smiled. It wasn't all bad. It was a grainy image of Iain first trying to shave. She assumed he was about 17 or 18, and, though a funny sight it was, it was more cute than anything else.

'Black toast is the new in thing.' He produced the toast, buttered and on a plate.

'It is positively charred.' She turned her nose up at it.

'Won't harm you. You're such a high maintenance friend.'

The strategic placing of the word 'friend' made Lily sigh on the inside. It was out of place, and almost as if he felt the need to bring it up to reinforce the idea that they were nothing more than that. Yet still, she knew she couldn't kick off, and so she continued speaking.

'High maintenance for desiring edible food.'

'And, talk normally. You talk proper fancy.'

'I don't _speak_ "proper" anything. Edible is a completely typical word.'

'I just mean, you could use more day-to-day language for my little brain that can't keep up.'

'I'm ingratiatingly sorry.' She said, and he just rolled his eyes. 'Seriously though. You haven't got a little brain. You shouldn't put yourself down like that.'

'Yeah, well.' He crunched on the toast, pushing his panini towards her instead.

'I see you found the photo.'

'Come on, it's not even that bad.'

'I appreciate the reassurance, Lily. It's kind of you.'

She just looked up at him, and gave a small shake of the head, wondering why he struggled to see himself positively. She closed the book quietly, and slid it under the bed. Folding her arms and legs, she studied him more carefully.

'What?' He laughed, through a gulp of toast.

'Sorry, I was just-'

His eyes matched hers then, unmoving and unblinking, focused on each other's.

She broke it first, looking down.

'Lily...' He begun.

'I know, I know.' She held a hand up.

He gave a short laugh, baffled. 'I've not even opened my mouth, so how can you possibly know?'

'Let's just... just...' She looked up towards the ceiling, willing for him to just get the message and be quiet. Luckily for her, he did, and also fell silent.

'So, about Mrs Beauchamp, finding my clothes.' Lily begun, making an obvious change of subject.

'Yeah. She won't say anything, not publicly, anyway.'

'So it doesn't concern you?'

'Why should it? Nothing to be done.' He answered simply.

She just nodded. 'I wish I hadn't been so careless.'

'You weren't.' He replied. 'Look, think about it when she says something. If she says something.'

Lily brushed her leggings down, swallowed the mouthful of bread and stood up. 'I'll brush my teeth, and then we can-?'

'Yeah. Sure.' He managed a smile.

'Okay. Two minutes.'

'Yeah. See you in two.'


	8. A&E

Patient after patient was wheeled into the ED. Elle and Alicia broke into a sprint from the staffroom to Resus, dropping a cup of tea on the way, which splashed up the walls. Tea stains were the least of Holby's worries - they added character to the place, after all. It was the less pleasant stains they worked so tirelessly to avoid, like vomit or blood.

'Connie, what's happened?' Dylan's voice rose above the crowd. The clinical lead flinched at being called her real name, but Dylan got away with it most times due to his own status.

'Massive RTC. Numerous casualties. 9 are here, 7 have gone elsewhere. The youngest is a child of four. We then have another child of ten.'

'Oh... no.' Charlie slid a hand down his face.

'Ring paeds, Charlie.' Connie barked out orders that people obliged to, knowing she was doing so only in the best interests of patients. If they did as she said to, things would run smoothly.

'Right-o.'

'Connie?!' Dylan shouted, but she ignored him over the clamour of distressed patients and their families.

'Oh, Dr Keogh! Staff Nurse Hide! With me, please.' Lily piped up, holding the door open.

'Finally, I, a doctor, have a role in this. Least someone knows what they're doing.' Dylan muttered, unable to refrain from making a snide comment at the state of order (or lack of) that the ED found itself in. It went unheard, for the chaos and din overrode pretty much everything else.

'This is one of the children. Isabel-May Jones, four years old. Thrown from a vehicle going forty miles per hour when it collided with a van. Query right and left tib-fib fractures, some bruising to the neck and loss of consciousness on the way in. GCS unobtainable due to young age, unable to get a reading for pulse yet but is definitely thready. Been given 250mg of paracetamol as a precaution. Her aunt, who was semi-conscious, informs us she has lots of allergies including painkillers and drugs.' Iain reeled off the information, Lily and Dylan both nodding as he did so.

'Have the paeds team been called?' Lily asked.

'I'll check up on that for you.' Jez was out of the doors, while Iain hung round and helped transfer the patient from the stretcher to the bed.

'Look, we need to immobilise the neck. That should have been done, really.' Dylan sounded stressed.

Iain glanced at Lily and she nodded in agreement, looking down slightly as she did so.

'Well, there wasn't any devices appropriate for her size and dimension. It is carnage out there. Everyone is trying their best.' Iain breathed.

Dylan seemed to tune out distractions as he quickly moved round the patient.

'Right, we need to book the scanner as a matter of urgency. A PCT is needed, failing that, a normal CT scan will have to suffice.'

'But-' Lily begun, understanding the risks too well.

'No buts. We act to save lives.' Dylan replied, shortly.

'Dylan...' She was clearly anguished.

'We need bloods and to get a line in. And her medical notes. David-' Dylan cleared his throat.

'Yes, sorting it.' David nodded.

Just as David exited the room, paramedics wheeled another woman in. The patient wailed inconsolably, trying to pull herself off the stretcher. Between sobs, she yelled for her daughter. The expression on the paramedics' faces was grave, and Lily knew from this that the other child had not survived. Robyn tried to calm the woman, but her words of comfort were drowned out by the screams.

'This is... dreadful.' Lily just whispered. Ethan, working on the patient beside, overheard and nodded in agreement.

Without further hesitation, Lily reached to draw the curtain round the bed. Louise popped her head round quickly.

'Not now, Louise.' Lily had no qualms over asserting her authority to the nurse, and it gave her a sense of power to do so.

'Just thought you should know. They were on a way to a relative's wedding, hence the outfits.' She glared and then left.

Lily gulped, managing to stay professional. Though normally able to desensitise herself suitably to match the demands of her job, she felt rocked by the events. So many people, and it was meant to be something so happy.

Dylan was busy attending to the patient. 'Right, sats are dropping. Entering hypoxemia. Dr Chao, are you even helping? Or are you just going to stand there?'

'Of course, sorry.' Lily whispered.

'I'm beginning to think there's something else. Uh, pulmonary embolism? Her breathing is absent in places, certainly isn't giving her a good oxygen supply. And then there's the bruising. Lily? Do you agree?' He asked.

'Ye-yes.' Lily nodded, clutching a hand to her throat.

'Then we need to sort the mask. We'll need to bring her round first though. Where on earth is the on call paediatric team?' Dylan got more and more flustered.

'Isabel? Isabel. My name is Dr Chao, but you can call me Lily. You are at the hospital, a car accident has hurt you a bit. I'm going to help you, so don't worry.' Lily managed to soothe the child as she choked and spluttered. Her chest ached as she felt a squeezing on her index finger.

'It's okay. We've got you.' She reassured, moving a hand to stroke the child's hair, which had been crimped for the wedding occasion. She begun to feel even worse.

-x-

'What a day.'

Iain caught up to Lily's side, making more of a statement than an exclamation.

'Mm.' Lily answered, mind elsewhere.

'You okay?'

'Fine, I'm fine.'

'Oh Chuckles, you're not, are you?' Iain's face fell as he saw the tears form in her eyes. 'Come here.' She didn't wriggle from the embrace, but nor did she allow herself to settle into his arms.

'Days like this remind us exactly why we choose the jobs we do. To help.' Lily nodded, as she took a step back and continued to walk through the car park. Iain followed her, listening. 'I sometimes wonder if I truly ever was cut out for it. Then I remember what we do, day in, day out, and I don't doubt it.' She looked at him, but noticed he wasn't fully meeting her eye.

'You did great with that little girl. Saved her.' Iain nodded.

'That was all Dylan,' Lily whispered, not taking the credit for something she didn't feel responsible for.

'It was you as well.' He told her, the words turning into air that billowed up in circles in the black night sky. She peered up, watching.

'Not a star tonight.' She observed.

'Must be cloudy.' He replied.

'It must.' She agreed, still a little spaced out. She felt like her body was in one place and her mind another. More than anything, she felt guilty for even thinking about her own emotions. It was almost like that was a topic undeserving of her time or headspace. So many people - people in need - had bigger issues than her. The daily events had just put things into perspective, once and for all.

'I get it if you don't want to meet up tomorrow.' Iain said finally, after she'd been quiet for a while.

'No, I don't mind...' She answered.

'It's fine. Just text me when you feel like it, or if you need a chat. Whatever time of night, yeah? I'd do it for a friend. Obviously... because you are a friend. Sleep well.' He said, as they began to go their separate ways.

'You too.' She replied. Two words was an adequate response that put across exactly what she wanted to say. For once, although tempting, she didn't speculate how Iain was digging himself into a hole with his last few sentences. She didn't care. Exhaustion raged through her, and sleep called. Some days, she valued rest over thinking too much. It made a nice change.


	9. Different

'You okay after yesterday?' Robyn walked up to Lily's side. Balancing the phone against between her ear and shoulder, Lily managed a small nod.

'Yes thank you, and you?'

'Better. I had to go home and cuddle Charlotte though. Life's so short.'

'Yeah.' Lily agreed.

'Have you seen all those new interviewees? They look so in awe of everything.'

'No, interviewing for which post?'

'Haven't you heard?' Robyn asked, almost incredulous.

Lily just shook her head slightly, then began to speak quickly to the person who'd taken her off hold. 'Hi there, it's Dr Chao. Holby ED.' She mimed an apology at Robyn, who just made herself scarce. 'Yes, yes. Okay. I understand. Thank you, thanks.' She put the phone down in a hurry, quickly sifting through paperwork. She wondered what Robyn had meant, but made a note to ask later on.

-x-

'You're leaving.' Her keys hit the wall hard, jangling as they did so. She'd just flung them aside, not even having the ability to think straight.

He looked up, surprised she'd even found her way in to his flat. 'I was going to tell you. I was.' He held a hand up in what seemed to be a weak defense.

'When? When you were on your way to the airport? When you were over there?' She snapped.

'This has been a last minute decision...'

'Obviously.' She scowled back.

'Don't make this difficult, Lily.' He sighed heavily, folding stray items and packing them into the open case that sat on his bed.

'You have made this difficult! Why agree to something if you're going to leave two weeks later? Where does that leave me?' Her voice rose an octave, clearly upset.

'This isn't about you! Jesus...' He exhaled, running a hand down his face. 'Yesterday made me question everything. It really rocked me, and-and I don't think I want to be in the midst of that again.'

'That's just a knock to the confidence, it is natural.' Anger faded and her voice turned desperate, trying to make him see reason.

'No, Lily. It's not for me. I need a change.' His voice fell quiet.

'But why?' She sighed, collapsing on the bed.

'Sometimes you outgrow a place, and it's time to move on.'

'How come they found so many people to interview if you only just handed your notice in?' She challenged.

'I don't know. I'm not Mrs Beauchamp, am I? Clearly the waiting list was quite big, I imagine.'

'I just don't understand. You should give this time. It is rash.'

'And? I won't change my mind.' He shook down a blanket before packing it on top of his clothes.

'So, this is it then?'

'Well, thought you'd agreed to come over at 8? It's only just past 4 now.'

'Let me go home, twiddle my thumbs and come back in a few hours to sleep with you. Then I guess it's goodbye?'

'Stop this.'

'No, you stop this. Messing with my head like it is some game.'

'Now you're just projecting. This is not deliberate with the intention to hurt you.'

She folded her arms, no reply. 'A friend would want this for me, would encourage me.' He tested the waters with his comment.

'Not if they cared about you and thought it was foolish.'

Another sigh. 'I'll be fine, I've been in the army before. As for yourself, Jez and Ethan will both look out for you.'

'You're missing the point! I don't need anyone to look out for me. That is not the problem.'

'Well then, what is?' He prompted her to answer in the way he wanted her to.

'You.' She sighed. 'The problem is you.'

'What do you mean?'

'I don't want you to go.' She said, quietly.

'I want to though, you've got to see that. It's easier now than it would be weeks down the line. No attachment, as yet.' He told her.

'So you think.' She mumbled, but he heard loud and clear.

'Lily...?'

She fiddled with her thumbs, eyes dropping to the floor.

'Shall we rewind the time and pretend you didn't say that?' His voice was low, steady.

She turned to leave. 'Are you back later or not?' He called.

'You are actually unbelievable, Iain.' She hissed, stopping in her tracks. 'Acting like nothing has happened.'

'I'm not, Lily. But for the last time, you might as well come round.'

'That's not for the best.'

'Right, well, fine.' He didn't manage to disguise the hurt he felt, and it showed in his eyes.

'It just feels too soon.' She looked him in the eyes, honest. 'All of this feels too soon.'

'We've been through this. Please don't try and keep me here, Lily. I need to go.'

'I don't think this decision is as sudden as you make it out to be.'

'Oh for God's sake!' He snapped.

'How long exactly have you been thinking? While we were agreeing? While we were-'

'That's enough.' His eyes seemed to darken, full of rage. 'It makes no difference. Least you don't have long to stew over it, perhaps you could look at it that way.' He slammed the lid down, forcing it shut. It bulged at the seams but he pressed it until the material gave some.

'Oh, thank you.' She managed a dry smile.

'There is no need for sarcasm! This is my point. I'm going and that's that. You don't want our last interaction to be a blazing row.' He sighed at her, shaking his head in despair.

She sniffed then, looking down again. Iain felt his chest ache, and the feeling was familiar. 'Don't start that.'

'You said last...' She sounded almost accusing through the pain, and he blinked his eyes closed. He had. It had slipped out.

'Not last forever, just last for now.' He tried to recover it miserably.

'Fine.' She nodded, eyes glazed over.

He sighed wordlessly, outstretching his arms.

'No.' She just shook her head. He looked back at her, confused. 'What is the point in a hug?' Her words caught in her throat as she saw his own face fall. 'How will it help?'

He swallowed. 'You're right.'

'Don't say it like that.' Her voice trembled.

'Can't win here, can I?' He snapped, tired of feeling so worked up emotionally.

'Win what?'

'For God's sake, it's an expression!'

The raised tones were quelled almost immediately when their eyes met. Neither knew (or cared) who instigated it, but their lips came together and they kissed. Kissed, like it was the end of the world. In many ways, it was. Everything about it felt different for them both; Lily noticed how her senses were heightened (most likely from the adrenaline rush due to the shouting match). A definite change in mood, a subtlety that didn't go unnoticed.

They acted almost feverishly, no care was taken in undressing. The presence of gentleness was removed. They were angry, furious at one another. Somehow, they'd made a mutual decision that it would be apt to express their anger through actions, rather than words. And so they did.

It was after that the blow hit her. Once, twice, and again even harder. She laid awake, still. In slumber and for the first time, his arm stayed wrapped around her, encasing her for safekeeping. He would protect her even in his unconscious state, as they laid beneath the ceiling she'd stared up at on many an occasion. All of them bitterly incomparable to the one she found herself in that evening. She couldn't stay the night - _shouldn't_ stay the night. Had to leave soon, and that would be it.

The thought was enough to swell her heart - to swell, and to break.


	10. Stranger

**casualcasualty: Thank you so much! Your reviews are the nicest. Means so much to me that you're enjoying.**

 **Guest: Thanks lovely!**

'So, did you know? It seemed so last minute...' Louise gossiped.

'No clue. Suppose people are unpredictable, aren't they? It does seem strange.' Alicia replied, stirring her drink.

Lily jammed the lid back onto the coffee jar, a bit too forcefully for the others to let it slip. Assuming it had been a stressful shift, Alicia tried to chat to her.

'Did you know? You know, about Iain leaving?'

'Why would I know?' She snapped, with an air of defensiveness to her words.

'Alright, alright,' Alicia glanced at Louise, widening her eyes. 'I was only asking.'

'He's gone to the army indefinitely, since he prefers it to working in such an environment as this. In a way, I don't blame him. Escaping from all the tiresome gossip. He's putting his time to good use. I suggest you two do the same, and actually do your jobs.' Lily flounced out, instantly becoming aware of the fast-spreading sinking feeling in her chest. She hadn't meant to snap at them, but everything felt like a personal comment. The weight of the world should have been lifted from her shoulders, but instead, it was somehow added there. It was painful, but she could have should have seen it coming. She knew she'd get attached, yet she was so acutely desperate to get close that she let it happen anyway. Her heart ruled her head for the first time in ages, and that was how she knew he'd changed her.

Mixed emotions of all kinds buzzed round inside. There was almost a sense that it was the end, and she knew he'd felt it too. First, his reluctance to get up in the morning. The way they'd stayed tightly pressed together the entire night, and how she hadn't slept, but he definitely had (and comfortably too). The way in which they'd only exchanged a few quiet words, before he zipped up his suitcase and left. The last time his eyes bore into hers. All of a sudden, words seemed a very silly way to even measure the depth of emotion. Lily felt as if she'd been graced by her own mind with some more understanding, and it was refreshing to have enlightenment on the situation.

They'd had the 'arrangement' for just short of a month, but something was distinctly different about the way they interacted with one another. Of course, she knew, they'd had a blazing row. Much less care had been taken, but also they'd never been more gentle. It was painfully paradoxical, much alike to every other aspect of their friendship.

All she knew was that it hurt profusely, and that was all it boiled down to.

-x-

Iain arrived at the gate, heaving his heavy carry-on. His fingers burned with the weight, so he dropped it against the seat with a thud. As he rubbed them to ease the pain, a worry that had plagued him all morning begun to resurface in his mind. Was packing away his life into bags and travelling back somewhere so dangerous what he wanted to do? What about everyone he left behind? What about...

His stomach lurched, flipped, so much so, it didn't even feel like a part of him. As the loudspeaker announced the gate number, he couldn't help but sigh.

'Long journey love?' A woman asked, sitting at his side. She clutched an equally bulky bag and a baby was propped against her shoulder.

'Yeah.' Iain smiled at her. 'What about you?'

'Just a bit. Off to visit my husband, he's been away at service for the past year.' She gave a small smile.

'Oh really?' Iain raised an eyebrow, purposefully not mentioning that he was doing the same. 'How old's little one?'

'He's 14 weeks old. Looks just like his dad.' She jiggled the baby slightly. 'First time meeting him, you know. I sometimes wish he'd never gone. I know it's what he enjoys doing, but he left me behind. I sobbed for days, and cried even more when I found out I was pregnant. It was so lonely. These men - and women - that join the army just don't realise exactly how awful it is for those back at home.'

Iain nodded, slightly. 'That makes sense, it really does. I agree. Not always considerate, is it? Still, if it's what they want to do.'

'Yeah, sure. I knew it was his passion, and that's why I didn't stop him. You can't stop someone from doing something, it has to come from them. I never knew if I'd see him again though. I'm just so incredibly grateful he's alive to see Freddie.' Hearing a complete stranger pour her heart out made Iain realise how much of a big deal it was.

'He's lovely, I bet your husband will be over the moon.'

'Oh, he will be. John always said he wanted a boy. He's never even seen him in a picture! He looks just like him, it's amazing really. I've always sort of had my little reminder in the baby.'

Iain just nodded. 'Iain, by the way.'

'Yeah. Jess.'

Almost as if on cue, the pleasant, all-smiles baby erupted into fits of screams. 'Oh, Freddie! Shh! I might go pop him a jacket on. It was nice to meet you.' The woman gave a quick smile, then dashed off in the direction of the toilets, leaving Iain to muse over her words. Minus a child, that was exactly what his situation would become. Leaving all his friends and family back in Holby, even leaving Gem behind.

Leaving Lily. She hadn't said that she felt any certain way, but he got the impression she did. Even though she was quiet, and not overly touchy feely, he still knew there was something, or there could have been something. Half of him wondered if he'd left because he didn't want to settle down. Half of him wondered if the words and explanations he'd spewed to others really were based on truth - he did want a change.

When the boarding call was announced, Iain stepped on the plane and positioned himself in the seat, buckling the seatbelt and going through he necessary safety protocols. He swallowed, and put his headphones in, turning the volume up high in the hope that music could drown out the voice inside screaming at him to stay.


	11. Mixed

'Where exactly have you gone?' Jez's voice loudly crackled down the speaker in the communal phone.

'Falkland Islands.' Iain replied.

'Vague. Why that far, mate?'

'I said, I needed a change. It was the only base where there were openings.' Iain said.

'Right. Thanks a lot for shafting me. I'm now stuck with Sam.' Jez said.

'Sam as in, Sam Nicholls?' Iain asked, shocked.

'You know it.' Jez replied.

'Oh, right. As if she's my replacement after only three weeks! A paramedic as well? She was training to be a doctor!'

'I know. Change of heart I think.'

'Maybe Jez, but pretty big change of heart though.' He said.

'Yeah, I know. Look, I have to go, we have a call-'

'How's Lily?'

'Lily?' Jez asked, confused.

'Yes, Lily. How is she?' Iain asked.

'Uh, good. As far as I know. She's actually just come into the office. I'll get her-'

'No, honestly, there's no need Jez. Just so long as she's okay.' Iain let his words trail off when he heard shouting on the other end of the phone.

'Hello, Dr Chao, Holby ED. Can I help? For emergencies, you really need to ring 999 first and then-'

'Lily. It's me.' Iain sighed.

'Who?' She replied, but her voice quivered unmistakably.

'You know who.' He was unhappy - it felt wrong. A lump had formed in his throat, lodged itself there.

A pause. 'It's bad signal, I can't really hear you. You're breaking up.' Lily gabbled.

'Wait, wait, I need to-'

The call cut off. Iain shut his eyes, full of regret. Everyone had to take it in turns with the phone, and so he wouldn't get another chance to call home for a week.

It felt so far away, too far away.

-x-

A knock at the door made Lily jump. Warily, she tightened her dressing gown and walked to the door, swinging it open before she could stop herself.

'Parcel for Dr Lily Chao.' The courier announced.

'Oh! Thank you. It is late, that is why I was surprised.' She clapped a hand over her mouth in a yawn, while the courier gave an awkward smile. 'Long shift?' She asked.

'Yes, you could say. Not as long as you doctors have though. Guessing this is new equipment?' He made polite conversation.

'Oh yes, my new stethoscope.' Lily nodded.

'Well, you do a great job.' He said. 'Could you just sign here?'

Lily scribbled a signature. 'Thank you.'

'See you later.' He nodded, before turning and walking down the steps. A sigh escaped her lips as she shut the door. There was a little niggle in the back of her mind that just hoped it might have been him. A feeling she didn't recognise, or even wish to have. Friends weren't meant to play on your mind so much.

She jumped again upon hearing the doorbell. Even more cautious, she went to the door, pulling it open.

Iain. Standing with his suitcase and a bag over one shoulder, he shyly held up some flowers.

She looked at them like he'd presented something poisonous. His face fell slightly, but he recovered it quickly. He knew getting discouraged wouldn't help fix anything, and that was why he was back in the first place. To mend and to fix.

He placed them gently on the side, nudging the plastic with his index finger. Helplessly, he turned back round and outstretched his arms. In just a split second for her to process it, Lily's face wobbled. He tilted his head to one side, not missing a chance to play on her hesitation.

'Come on.' He whispered. It wouldn't take much, he just had to tip her over the edge. A pause. One second passed, then two, then she was in his arms before either of them could blink.

He closed his eyes, feeling an ache spread across his chest. He held her to him, she held him back.

When he kissed the top of her head, neither of them flinched. Instead, it happened, and they let it. Finally when their eyes met, hers were swimming. He was quick to dry them with the side of his thumb.

He held her throughout, stayed aware, went slowly. She kept her eyes open and fixed on him, breathed, experienced it. His fingers grazed her skin just enough to heighten her senses while she clung much tighter, fingers curled around his wrists.

In between every shallow breath they took in unison, he would reach again for her hand. Lacing their fingers together, he'd squeeze hard and she would too. It was desperation in its most pure and innocent form. A desire that had spiralled into acute need, finally being fulfilled.

Afterwards, there was silence. A sort of delicate silence, though oddly predictable and familiar. Lying under the covers, Lily felt vulnerable, and it had nothing to do with the state of dress. Ragged breathing had calmed, chaotic minds had been quietened. So far apart, thinking of the prospect of a relationship they both knew would be a constant battle. Despite this, they still laid hand in hand. Their grip had loosened, no longer possessive. The shift had become on being together, being whole. Not letting go, because it hurt too much the last time.

Finally, a mumbled whisper, followed soon fresh tears. 'You're not here to stay, are you?'

He rolled on to his side, taking a strand of hair and playing with it. 'I would never, ever in my wildest dreams have suggested such an arrangement if I could've conjured up this moment.' She sniffed, knowing he didn't want to and wouldn't answer her first question. 'I might go rescue the flowers. Come with me, I need to know where the vases are.' He said.

She begun to climb out of bed and he followed her to the kitchen, feeling the pang of his heart in every step they took.

'Here.' She produced one off the windowsill, nudging it towards Iain.

'They need some water, poor things.' He said.

'They're beautiful, thank you.' She looked up at him. He just nodded, feeling he wasn't worthy of too much credit.

'I... you might not want it, but I bought some wine off the plane too.' He told her, producing it out of the bag on the floor. She just smiled. 'Glass now?'

'Yeah, I'd like that.'

-x-

One glass had turned in to two, had turned into three, had turned into four. Between them, they'd finished the bottle in the space of an hour and a half.

'Dance with me.' Lily had said out the blue. In his state, he had agreed to. Stone cold sober, he probably would have too. They danced clumsily around the kitchen, stepping on each other's toes. Neither cared. She'd wrapped her arms around his neck and they had giggled to each other before winding up asleep on the sofa - even though she had a perfectly good bed. Iain woke up to cover them up in the middle of the night and wondered how things would be in the morning.


	12. Talk

Lily peeked through her eyelashes, spotting he was still fast asleep. With a lazy movement, she checked her phone display. 7:50am. Forgetting herself, a lengthy groan escaped her lips. He turned, stirring, then bolted upright. After wrenching his leg from under hers, he screwed up his face.

'My head.' He mumbled, simply an observation.

' _My_ head.' She repeated, heaving herself up so she could also be upright. They made eye contact, this causing him to smirk.

'Still just as beautiful.' He said.

She looked at him for what felt like forever, eyes boring into him. He tried to understand what she was trying to communicate, but failed miserably. 'What next?' He asked, voice gravelly as he rubbed at his temples.

'I don't know.' Lily replied honestly. In her semi-conscious state, she wished she was able to come out with something better. The truth was easier, and she truly had no idea what to do. Formulating a response that said otherwise felt pointless.

'You're quiet.' He observed.

'What is there to say?' She replied.

He sighed, chest feeling heavy. Testing, he moved his lips to hers. She tentatively responded, tasting the stale remnants of alcohol on his breath - a glaring reminder of the night before. She pulled back, assessing him. Her glance hovered to his lips, then back to his eyes.

'You weren't there when I woke.' She said, quietly.

'When was that?'

'Two.' She surmised, uncertainty in her voice. He didn't reply. She leaned on an arm to prop herself up, looking at him.

'Where did you go?' She quizzed.

'Narnia.' He said, fixing his eyes on the ceiling.

She knitted her eyebrows together. 'Why have we done this? Tell me, Iain. After all the rows, after you left...'

'Because it's what we both wanted last night. Sometimes you have to do what you feel like, and block out logic.' He replied, exasperated.

She was muted by his comment momentarily, as he seemed to outsmart her with his point.

'Perhaps I'd lost my senses.' She answered, rubbing her eyes hard until she saw shapes.

A pause. 'And what's that supposed to mean?'

'Don't take offence.' She sighed, fiddling with the thin blanket that sat atop the pair.

He looked at her, eyes raked with disdain. 'Alright.' He snapped. 'I won't. I'll get over that one, shall I? Must remember to wear my thick skin where I'm around you.'

'Iain...' Her eyes filled with tears.

He swallowed, the harshness of his expression unravelling. 'Look, I came back here for you. The only thing that's making me want to be within a 50 mile radius of this city is you. I caught a plane at such short notice, for you. Maybe that sheds some light on things.' He said, standing up and folding the blanket.

The words were knocked from her mouth. 'I didn't-' She begun, but was interrupted by Iain, who seemed to be stringing his own sentences together effortlessly.

'The thing is, Lily. You have to have clarity. You can't move with something if there's not the tiniest shred of certainty in it for you. You crave logic and understanding more than you crave purposeful human connection. I- I can't see how we can compromise that.' He sighed.

'I just think it should have been more thought through. In hindsight, I got far too drunk. Sleeping with you - being with you like that - in no way aided the whole idea of emotional detachment.' She said, eyes full of pain as she stood up to be level with him. He saw the struggle in her face, anger ebbing away.

'Do you want to be emotionally detached?' He asked her, knowing full well the answer. The hesitation flashed across her face.

'Yes.' She told him.

He tilted his head to the side, knowing she was being economical with the truth.

'Even if I said I'd stay?' He asked, quietly.

'You shouldn't say that...' She whispered, voice wobbling.

'I mean it.' He said, decisively. 'But if I stay, it's for you.'

'I can't expect that of you. You have to be what you want to be, and-and... you're happiest when you're doing that. You should go.' She replied, with a degree of forced bravery that seemed transparent to him.

'You don't mean that.' He said, quietly.

Her eyes darted to the side, at war with her head and heart for the first time in a while.

'I do.' She nodded, meeting his eyes again. 'I love you. I want you to be happy.'

He inhaled sharply. It didn't come as a surprise, since he knew how she felt.

'Love?' He asked, before he could stop himself. An echo of what she'd said, an attempt to process it.

She lifted her head up and brought it back down faintly. 'Yes.'

A moment passed. The lack of response seemed to upset Lily, as her eyes quickly filled with tears. He was conflicted on what to do, but he knew for certain that reassuring her mattered the most. So, he did.

'I love you too, but you know already.' He said, with a nod of conviction. 'I'm not going to go anywhere, not yet. We need a little space, time to think. If it's any consolation, I'm just as keen to do what's right as you are. Alright? Don't be upset, you have absolutely no reason to be.' He told her.

She breathed in, then out slowly. Satisfied by his reasoning, she managed a small nod. For someone so ruled by their emotions, he did a good job of comforting her and explaining things in a rational way. That, she appreciated and valued.

She absently noticed that he'd made his way over to his bag. After rifling through it, he chucked her a box of paracetamol he'd found out his suitcase. 'For the monster, wine-induced migraine.'

She fumbled underneath the sofa for it, then snapped two out and swallowed them. 'Thanks.'

'Plenty of fluids, fresh air.' He told her.

'Or a day in a hospital department.' She sighed.

'You're never working!' He exclaimed, shocked as much as he was disappointed.

'Unfortunately.' She nodded, checking the time again. 8:31. 'I have a late start, 9am. Also known as 29 minutes from now.'

'I'd get ready if I were you.' He told her. 'I'd offer to drop you, but, no car yet.'

'I'll walk. Only ten minutes.' She said. As an afterthought, she added 'but thanks.'

'Guess I'll just twiddle my thumbs. When do you finish?' He asked.

'7.' She looked apologetic. 'I know it's late. Feel free to stay here though. I'll give you the key.'

He just nodded as she unclipped it from the keyring. 'No wild parties.' A flicker of a smile crossed her lips as she threw it to him.

'Course not.' He gave her a subtle wink back, feeling slightly better that they seemed to be back on good terms. He watched her as she walked off into her room and closed the door. Relief washed over him, as he could only imagine how much worse things could have been.

 **Please let me know what you think!**


	13. Message

Message to my lovely followers:

So I'm going to be a bit busier over the coming months and will still be updating, but will have less time to do so.

I'll be taking this message off in a couple of days so it doesn't affect chapter order etc. I have a question for you all, as your opinions matter to me!

At the moment, I'm writing

Home

Deserving

Letters to Lily

Wishing on Stars

Which of the above do you like the most? I'll then spend the time I do have on your favourite/s.

To reiterate, I will still be updating them all, but much more slowly. Just wanting to know the one or two stories you enjoy reading so I can prioritise them mainly.

If you have a couple of seconds, pop me the name of it in a review. It'd really help. Thanks guys!


	14. Chapter 14

Lily laid on her back, starfishing, dozing. Iain had no choice but to balance precariously on the slither of mattress left, trying not to fall out. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but he didn't care too much. He was mindful she'd had a busy shift, and he was only glad she was finally getting some rest.

In the dim lighting that the bedside lamp provided, he turned to glance at her. Her hair was splayed on the pillow, its deep brown tones contrasting with the almost alarming brightness of the white cotton.

Dark shadows still encased her eyes, worn out but beautiful. And, she pouted in her sleep; it was painfully cute.

Exhausted himself but unable to nod off, he exhaled through pursed lips. The roar of traffic was audible from outside, but he heard her breathing softly. She remained undisturbed, absolutely fine. He wondered whether to leave the window or to shut it. The room smelled musty, but he didn't want it to get too cold.

She managed to stretch even further, kicking him hard, and he noticed the temperature of her feet. Ice. She stirred, luckily, so he could ask her about the window.

'Are you cold?' He whispered.

'No.' She replied, pressing the sole of her foot to his leg deliberately.

'That's how it is, is it? I'm just a radiator?'

'Yes,' She sighed contently. He chuckled, baffled, realising she was still half asleep.

He cleared his throat, which made her roll over and open her eyes fully.

'What you doing?' She asked, voice sleep-addled.

'Just scrolling. Looking at some photos from old friends. Wide awake, that's all.' He explained. She nodded, thoughtful.

'If I'm disturbing you, I'll turn the brightness down?' He offered.

'No,' She answered quietly. 'I'm up too.'

After another few seconds, he clicked his phone off and turned to her. 'Well. We're both awake. The world is asleep. I say we take advantage of it.' He whispered, reaching out and grazing her shoulder with his fingers. She responded to the touch, leaning in slightly.

'Those words are so easy to say while you're not looking at me though.'

'I can turn the light on fully if you'd rather, I'll look you straight in the eye and repeat myself.' He said.

A giggle. 'What is wrong with you? It's like the middle of the night.'

'Likewise, that question could be asked from me to you.'

'You're just being silly.' She gave a sigh and rolled over onto her stomach.

'I'm not, you're clearly restless. What else is there to do?' He asked.

'Talk.' She replied plainly.

'Talk?' He said.

'Yeah, talk.'

'Well, about what?' He replied.

'No depth at all in your brain! Use your imagination. The past, the future, everything.'

'My head hurts to talk.' He complained.

'But it doesn't hurt too much to think about sex?'

'That's not hard to think about.' He answered.

'Hmph.' She responded.

'Why the noise?' He laughed.

'Well! You make me despair, Iain.' She said.

'You love it though, I bet you're smiling away to yourself now.' He chuckled.

'I'm not.' She replied, but he could hear it in her voice. He turned his head with a quick movement and she held the pillow over her face.

'I saw!' He exclaimed, pointing at her. 'I knew it.'

'Shut up.' She replied, embarrassed.

'That's becoming a bit of a thing, isn't it? Telling me to shut up.'

'Because you're always chatting, that's why!' She laughed.

He glanced at her with a little gulp, feeling guilty that she'd awoken.

'It took us so long to get here.' He reached out a hand, and she laced her fingers with his.

'I know. Worth the wait.' She whispered.

'Yeah.' He nodded. 'It really is.'

'So, what are we now?'

'I don't know.' He frowned. 'I mean what I said earlier. I'd stay.' He paused for a moment, in thought. 'That would be on the basis that you were willing to give things a go though. No hiding, no secrets, not from anyone else or each other. Alright?' He asked.

She stayed quiet. He felt as if he could read her mind. It was as if the silence was screaming 'no deal' back at him. She loved him, she'd said so, but she was very image conscious and publicising things would make her rethink.

'Lils?' He whispered. His brows knitted together when he saw her shoulder shake slightly. 'Hey hey hey, stop that.' It had become all too easy to comfort her. Her back was soon pressed up against his chest after he pulled her in with one arm.

Feeling the vibration of every shudder, he instantly felt bad. His common sense told him he'd not done wrong and that he'd simply forgotten she hadn't slept, but it didn't stop the guilt. 'You need to sleep.'

'I won't be able to now.' She whispered.

He gave a sigh. 'Lily, you're knackered. We can talk tomorrow. It'll be clearer then.'

'I just don't want people to know.' She explained.

'I know you don't. But I don't want to keep a secret.' He replied. 'Look, don't stress out right now. Just sleep.'

She looked at him, and he could almost see the panic in her eyes. He realised at once. It was usual for them to fall asleep, and then for one of them to leave before the other next opened their eyes.

'No.' He just shook his head quietly. 'I'll still be here.' Lily breathed in, eyes still fixed on his. 'Trust me.'

They stayed pressed up against one another, in the most innocent sense of the phrase, for the whole night long. Iain didn't really sleep. His mind was too busy. He felt zapped of energy, and craved the sanctuary that was his own bed.

 _But some things were more important._

He waited nearly the full seven hours for her to wake up with this thought in mind.

 **So, even amount of votes for Home and Letters to Lily, so I'll try to update both of them. This one is more tricky to write but will try all the same. Apologies, it's only a filler chapter, haven't updated in ages though :-)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for all your comments - I always value your opinions and love to know what you think. This one is challenging to write as it needs such emotional responses, but I'm trying! Not too happy with it as I think it's a bit wordy and not really going anywhere as such. Do let me know though if you have a spare couple minutes.**

 **casualcasualty/Giatrix: I think you're right - we will have to see though! Lily doesn't like her compromises awfully much.**

The morning. She turned quickly to look beside her. He was gone.

It took a while for her to realise the sobs of 'no' were coming from her own lips.

Between breaths, she began aware of a humming noise in the kitchen and a gushing noise. The oven and the tap. They stopped.

A second passed. The bedroom door flung open, bouncing against the wall with a crack.

'Lily?' Seeing the trails of tears down her face, his eyes widened. His forehead creased, the colour draining out of his face. 'What in the world...' He begun, horrified at the sight in front of him.

He watched her shoulders sag as she vaulted back onto the mattress, turning away from him. A hand on her thigh, desperately trying to roll her over, was quickly batted away.

'I'm worried about you. P-please talk to me.'

Her lungs rummaged for oxygen, yet the next breath still came shuddery. Watching her lips part slightly he leaned forwards quickly with a rather rushed encouraging nod. She shut them again, disturbed by his attempts to rush her. The black lines, which ran parallel down her cheeks, seemed to darken and become more pronounced. Last night's makeup and last night's feelings lingering in their own right, desperate to stay and stale the atmosphere. The atmosphere was heavy, and both felt the strain.

He reached for her hand limply. They sat on the mattress, cross-legged, inches apart. He was biting the words back, while she was trying to find hers.

Eventually, she did. 'I thought you'd left.'

'Why, when I told you I wouldn't?' He replied, an element of forced gentleness infiltrating through his tone.

'The bed was empty, and... and...'

A subtle shake of the head, then a squint of the eyes. 'I am not going to leave.'

Uncertainty flashed in her eyes. 'I'm not.' An ache spread across his chest after he'd given in to the urge to repeat himself. He found himself jumping through more hoops to comfort her. 'If anything between the two of us is ever to work, you have to trust me.'

She bit her lip, her eyes shining once more with hurt. 'I just thought you'd gone, and I was probably overemotional anyway. I didn't mean to put that on you, it must have been quite unsettling.' A brutally honest recognition provoked a sense of guilt in him.

He gave a small nod as she let go of his hand, wondering what he'd done so wrong that meant she didn't trust him yet. 'It just seemed very...' He exhaled, cheeks puffed out. 'Very emotional, Lily.'

She wiped her cheeks with a sleeve, smearing the black even more. Her arms resumed their position, crossed tightly over her chest.

He bitterly wished she wasn't so complicated. It grew tiring trying to find all the pieces to the puzzle - too many had corners, and too many didn't fit in gaps.

-x-

'I've made some breakfast, I can reheat it if you're hungry.' He explained, as she followed him through to the kitchen.

'You best not have broken my oven.' She said, to which he chuckled at.

'That's all the thanks I get? I won't bother next time.' He joked back.

She just smiled, trying to peer round him to see what was in the oven. He blocked the way, so she settled onto the stool. 'Well, thank you.'

'You're welcome.' He nodded, dishing up carefully. He wanted to mention the bizarre outburst, but it would further upset her. He resolved to make an effort to tread more carefully with her. At least, while he widened the search and got to the bottom of her hesitation.

She gave him a look as soon as he put the dishes down on the table. He smirked as he turned to put the pots in the sink, hoping things didn't go disastrously the wrong way.

'Iain!' She practically screamed.

'Hey, you've not even tried it. Try it. You'll like it.' He told her.

She picked up the fork, twirling it round on the plate before retching. 'I really can't.'

'You can.'

'So, I lost out on my morning cuddles because you made this... this... THING?!'

He laughed again through a mouthful. 'Try it.'

'I'll be sick.' She replied, giving the dish a pained expression.

'No you won't, you'll love it. You don't know until you have a bit.'

She reluctantly lifted the fork, before pointing a finger at him. 'I'm doing this to humour you.'

'And also because you're curious.' He said, triumphant.

Iain watched as she chewed the mouthful, smiling in delight as her facial expression grew more contorted and more contorted.

'Nice?' He asked, offering her a glass of water.

'I'm going to vom.' She said urgently, trying to leave the table.

'Sit down, no you're not. Drink this water.' He insisted.

She downed the lot, then winced. 'Just how much sugar is in that? I don't even want to know where you got the idea from.'

'Elf, obviously.' He twirled his fork and ate some more.

'But it's not even Christmas yet.' Lily replied, confused.

'Me and Gem have done it since the movie came out.'

'What, you fed your little sister this rubbish? And how old was she at the time, five?' Lily asked, shuddering.

'Yeah, something like that. five or six. She loved it.'

'You must have been a dreadful babysitter. What were you, like, twenty?' She asked.

'I was still a teenager.' He chuckled.

'All the same, it's disgusting.' She pushed her plate away.

'I reckon you like it, you just don't want to look silly and say so now.'

She tried to glare at him but ended up smiling. 'It's gross.'

'I'm wounded! I thought I was doing a nice thing as well...'

She just laughed. 'It's awful, but I appreciate the effort. If effort's the right word.'

'It bloody well is! Do you know how long it took to cook the spaghetti?' He asked, pretend angry until he broke the pretence with a grin. 'You don't have to eat it, I thought it'd be funny. Toast?' He offered.

She laughed again. 'Please.'

As he was standing by the toaster, Lily built up the confidence to speak. 'You know earlier?' She asked.

'Mm?'

'I didn't mean to react the way I did. I want to apologise, and... to thank you for staying. Not many men would have.'

He just nodded. 'I am not "many men", and that is exactly my point.'

'I know you're not.' She whispered.

'There's just one thing I don't understand, Lily.' He sighed, knowing there was way more than that. 'Why did you say the things you did before I went away if you're so cautious about letting your walls down?'

A few seconds passed. 'Because I meant them. I just can't-' She begun. As soon as he heard the tears in her voice, he stopped the questioning straight away. It would be easier over a bottle of wine.

'Okay, okay. Sorry. We'll talk when you're ready. I just want to know what we are until then.'

Lily thought a while.

'Friends?' He offered. 'Without benefits, this time. While you-we get our heads straight.'

He put the plate in front of her, and she agreed.


	16. Chapter 16

'Robyn?' Lily practically ran to keep up with the nurse.

'Yes?' She turned round, looking puzzled. Lily recognised this and hated it - it was as if it was a shock to people that she should even try and make conversation.

'I meant to ask you. How is Charlotte? After her fever, that is.'

'Oh.' Robyn smiled, relieved of no telling off. 'She's good. The warm baths and thin sheets thing really helped bring it down, so, thanks for that. That and the calpol.'

Lily nodded curtly. 'Yes, well, the powers of paracetamol, hey?'

'Seems even more powerful when it's NHS prescribed.' She chimed back with enthusiasm.

Without meaning to, Lily wrinkled her nose in disdain. 'Truth be told, I wish it wasn't available on prescription but for those who are truly in need. It is wasteful, and contributes to the fast depleting annual budget.'

'Yeah... I- I didn't mean it like that. Suppose it sounds selfish of me really.' Robyn replied meekly.

'Well, I suppose we professionals are changed by having children. That is something I am yet to experience.' She lowered her head slightly, shame boiling down inside. She hadn't meant to make her colleague - her friend - look silly, but she couldn't help herself from putting her in her place. The raise of Robyn's eyebrows and her exit from the room did little to quell her guilt. Everything was one step forward and two steps back.

Iain wasn't working. A rare off day had been used to go and visit little sister Gem in the youth detention centre. The last time he'd seen her was the night she ran Lily over, so mention of her name had resurfaced memories that she would have rather buried after her discharge from the hospital. It was without doubt a sore point, but he'd brought it up loads in her company and over text. She wondered if it was another mind game - an attempt to make her fragile and in need of some care - _his_ care. She knew, however, deep down, it was simply an absence of tact and his excitement to see his sibling all bundled into one. Had things been different, she'd be forthcoming and tell him it was still a sore point for her. But, the ground they stood on was uneven. After the mini meltdown a few days previous, she was determined to do all she could do act normally. If her clingy side beared its face, she guessed it might just drive him further away.

She scribbled her scrawly signature on a tatty document before handing it to Noel to file. The morning was exhausting her more than usual, and she'd only been on shift for two hours. Glancing at the clock, she decided it time to take a break. The clamour coming from the staffroom informed her she wasn't the only one to have made that choice. Muttering under her breath, she pulled open her locker and reached for her phone. Her stomach involuntarily knotted at the display.

' _How's my best friend this morning?_

 _Gemma won't speak to me, she completely froze me out. I sat there the best part of half an hour before calling it a day. Sucks really. Guard gave me a pity look on the way out like I needed it. She's clearly trouble for them there. Let me kw if you want owt from the supermarket, I'm going down this aft for some bits. There's a staff do for Elle's birthday later this evening too, are you going?'_

Her chest sank. She missed her. He had the opportunity to see her and he'd stayed thirty minutes - it didn't add up. All the same, she tapped out a response quickly:

' _It's good to hear from you. I'm well. Perhaps try another time? Gem loves you, I am sure you just caught her on a bad day. Not sure as of yet, but will let you know by midday.'_ Her finger hovered over the X key, but she decided against it.

Quickly, a reply came in:

' _She's miserable, you don't know my sister, believe me. Or maybe you do? She might actually listen to you, she idolises you and sees you as someone who isn't her idiot of a brother. If you're up to it, you could pay her a visit.'_

Lily paused for a few moments before typing a response:

' _Can I get back to you later? Got to go.'_

' _Course. See you at the party if you make it.'_

She shut the locker and walked over to the countertop, where Alicia and Dylan stood making coffees. Usual ditzy self, Alicia was trying her hardest to make silly conversation, continuing even after being met with obvious reluctance on his part.

'Ah, Lily!' Alicia turned round.

'Yes?' She replied.

'What you wearing to Dr Gardner's bash?' Her eyes sparkled.

'I... don't know.' Lily answered plainly, stirring the concoction of coffee granules and water with a spoon. 'Maybe a dress, if I can attend.'

'If...' Alicia pondered, craning round to make eye contact with her mentor. 'Where else are you?'

Home, Lily idly thought. Though, experience taught her this wasn't an acceptable answer, and so she just shook her head once. 'I have a lot of work to catch up with.'

'You always do. What about letting your hair down?' Alicia asked. Sick of tiresome nagging, Lily sighed rather noisily.

Looking up, Dylan intervened. 'Uh, letting one's hair down can be done when one wishes to. I, for one, shall be having a jolly good rest tonight. It has been a long week, and parties aren't for everyone.' With this comment, he excused himself.

Alicia pulled a face. 'Anyway. Please come, it'd be so nice to-'

'Maybe.' Lily cut her short. 'Sorry. I'm just undecided as yet.'

'Did those... men troubles ever resolve? Alicia cleared her throat.

She hesitated. 'You could say.'

'Keep me updated, then.' Her eyes sparkled.

'Yes.' Lily lifted her mug and began to walk off.

'See you later?' Alicia called, voice faltering.

'Maybe.' Lily called back, then repeated herself once she was out of earshot. 'Maybe.'


	17. chapter 17

**Guest: Thanks lovely! Your kind words mean a lot. I'm updating as much as I can. Hope you enjoy this, more to come (hopefully) soon.**

As soon as Lily stepped inside the room, she wished she hadn't. Nothing in the world could have persuaded her she was right to be there. Gut instincts were a thing, and as each second passed, she berated herself more and more for not listening to hers. Before she could entertain the idea of sloping off, she was seen.

'Alright?' Iain smiled, making his way over to her. He was armed with a pint, and the smell poured off him. She guessed it wasn't his first.

'I'm good, yes, thank you for asking. And you?'

'Mm.' He replied, tipping the glass up and draining the last of the liquid inside.

'Busy day?' Lily asked.

'You what?' He cupped his ear, drawing attention to the loud music.

Uncomfortable, she raised her voice a little. 'I said, has it been a busy day?'

'If you call seeing Gem busy, yeah. Other than that, it's been non eventful. Did you think about going to see her?'

'I-I haven't really had the chance to think, no.' Lily lied.

'Oh. Do try think, yeah? She'd probably benefit from it.' He said.

'You said that earlier.' Lily pointed out. 'I will.'

'You sure you're alright?' He asked her, furrowing his brow.

'I'm fine.' She replied, realising she'd sounded irritable. 'I'm fine, really. Just not the biggest party person ever.'

'No, I know. Glad you did decide to come though.'

'Yeah?' She smiled.

'Yeah.' He answered, dodging the eye contact she tried to hold by spinning round and moving back towards the bar. After a second, he looked round, gesturing for her to follow him. She shook her head politely, turning her back and positioning herself in between a table and the corner of the room.

He passed her a glass. 'Yours, I believe?'

She raised an eyebrow at him but took it anyway, eyeing it suspiciously. 'Cava. Liven you up a bit.' She gave him a look. 'I know you hate parties, but it's a colleague, isn't it? You need to have a good time. You owe it to yourself, if no one else.'

'Thank you for the drink,' She begun, still not convinced. 'I'm not entirely sure I need more energy. If anything, I think relaxing is in order.'

'You can do that in a few hours when you go home.' He said.

'Not if I have a banging headache.' She countered.

He rolled his eyes then. 'You'll be fine. I'm off to speak to the others, if you're coming?' Reluctantly, she traipsed after him in the direction of the crowd.

'Lily!' Alicia greeted her with a hug, seemingly surprised (and delighted) at her appearance. She stiffened, unwelcoming of the embrace, unable to relax even though she knew Iain was watching.

'I hoped you'd come.' Her eyes shone brightly.

'Yes.' Radiating awkwardness, Lily took a gulp of the wine.

'So,' Alicia gave a knowing smile. 'Did it resolve, you know...?'

Sensing Iain was still behind her, she had no choice but to bite her tongue and hope her blabber mouth colleague would follow suit. 'What?' Lily asked wryly, inviting the inevitable herself.

'The man troubles!' She hissed, slightly too loud and giggly. Iain raised an eyebrow, amused, while Lily's cheeks reddened. 'You can tell me. You've already told me part of it. No one's even listening.' Alicia gushed.

Iain cleared his throat, while Jez spun around from the bar to join in. 'Well, apart from these pair. You're mates though, you and Iain. They won't breathe a word. They won't even remember!'

It took a few moments of tension for Jez to put a hand on her shoulder. 'How about we, um, go and sing?' He suggested.

'But I'm getting the gossip...' She begun to protest.

'Maybe some other time.' Jez seemed to ignore Lily and batted the apologetic look in Iain's direction, before guiding a tipsy Alicia off to the karaoke machine.

'So...' Iain started, beginning to smirk.

'Just don't.' Lily held a hand up, stopping him.

His face fell. 'Eh? Come on, she's just... had a few. I've not taken it seriously.'

'No, but you heard what she said!' She insisted.

'What did she say?' He pretended to be oblivious. 'Look, another drink?'

Visibly close to tears, Lily had two obvious choices. Either leave and ruin the fun, or accept his offer meekly. The latter seemed to be decided upon.

-x-

'Why are you following me?' Lily whined, dragging her feet along the pavement.

'I'm not, I'm making sure you get home safe.' He reminded her, for once exercising patience in her direction. It was late - gone 10, and she'd been drinking for several hours. Irresponsibly, they'd both lost count of how many she'd had. She hasn't taken much cajoling into having another one, and it became easier the more she drunk.

'Home safe?' She mumbled, confused, slurring her words slightly.

'Yes. Home safe.' He repeated. They were a few streets away from Lily's flat, and by all accounts, a decent evening had been had. It had taken less effort than Iain first imagined to get her drunk. Although he felt slightly guilty, he knew she'd had a good time - that was what mattered.

'I feel sick.' Lily announced, no hint of urgency in her voice. The lack of intonation made Iain chuckle.

'Well, I'm sure you can wait a minute or two.' He replied, wrapping his arm around her arm again for support as she wobbled in her heels.

'I can't.' She responded weakly.

'You can, you're speaking. I think you're fine.' He told her.

She quietened at this for a few seconds, reassured.

'I know a joke.' She declared, locking eyes with him in the slither of light the streetlamp provided.

'What, you, a joke?' Iain put a hand to his chest and widened his eyes.

'Yes, a joke.' She said, unaware of (and unbothered by) his sarcasm. He observed this fondly; usually she would have an equally dry comeback.

'And what is it?' He asked gently.

'I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger.' She begun. 'Then it hit me.'

He laughed, which made her begin to giggle too.

'Not bad, for you.' He told her.

'It's a funny one.' She begun to yawn, forehead wrinkling. He glanced at her - it was cute. Drunk Lily was cute. As they made their way up the steps, he knew she'd regret getting into such a state come the morning.


	18. chapter 18

He shut the magazine quickly and sat back on the sofa, straightening out the creases in his jeans. A padding sound grew louder and louder, her slippers against the laminate floor.

'Ugh...' She groaned softly. Then a pause. 'Iain?'

'Yeah, it's only me. Sorry for leaving my shoes out, I didn't really think that through.'

'No, it's-it's fine.' She sighed, running a hand through her hair. He didn't know where to put his eyes. In her hungover, sleep-addled state, she'd failed to realise one major thing. Purposefully, he cleared his throat, gesturing.

'Are you going to-'

Another groan. 'Oh, sorry. I can go get some... um, if you think...' She attempted to construct a sentence with little luck.

'No, no. I've seen it all before, it's just...' A smirk danced on his lips now, amused.

'Is it okay if I don't?' She winced, collapsing into an armchair and curling herself up into a ball.

'Fine by me. I mean, technically I'm cramping _your_ style.'

'This is why I don't do alcohol.' She whined, throwing her head back.

'Or...' He tossed a paracetamol packet in her direction carelessly. 'Alcohol doesn't do you.'

She gave him a rueful smile, then slumped back down. 'Why did you let me do that?'

'I tried to sober you up, I did. You had about two sips of the pint of water I gave you. Despite my best efforts, you wouldn't get into the shower, called me a "pushy loser", threw up in the bathroom and ate some toothpaste, declaring it was "really nice". When I didn't try any, you refused to talk. I guided you to bed and you went to sleep.'

She listened to his animated description, anguished. 'I owe you. You even slept here all night.'

'That's what friends are for, hey?' He gave a small smile. He left out the part where he stayed up all night to make sure she didn't choke on her own sick - she didn't need to know about the pain in his back from sitting propped up against the wall.

'Yeah.' She nodded, quietened by his words.

'Need to feed the hangover?'

She gave a little frown. 'Uh, always.'

'Good. Leftover pizza. Again, that was not my call, it was yours.' He held his hands up.

'Did you refrigerate it?'

'No, I put it next to the radiator, melt the cheese a bit more overnight. I know how much you like room temperature.'

She appraised him, doubt etched into her expression. 'I can't ascertain whether or not you're-'

'Joking, yes I am.' He shook his head. ' _Ascertain_. Even in your state. Couldn't you just say "work out"?'

'Ascertain is better.' She replied. 'I think if-'

'Lily! Just go get the bloody pizza, go on.' He waved her off with a little smile.

Pouting jokingly, she rose from the chair and made her way over to the kitchen. Feeling his eyes on her, she quickly snapped her head round. He pretended to scratch his head, before looking up towards the ceiling. She giggled to herself, pulling open the fridge.

Gingerly, she pulled it out the plate and put it in the microwave, hand poised to turn the dial.

'No, what are you doing?!' Iain was over by her side in seconds.

'What?' She turned round, miscalculating the distance between them. Unexpectedly, they were suddenly in a very close proximity. After a second of awkwardness, he deliberately leaned past her to reach for the plate. 'You don't microwave it, that'll make the crust go all chewy. You've got to fry it.'

' _Fry_ it?' She repeated dubiously.

'Yes, in a pan?' He started opening cupboards, searching.

She quietly reached up to the cupboard just left of the glass cabinet, reaching out a suitable sized pan. 'I know what frying is. It's just bad for you, isn't it?'

'Well, no worse than takeaway pizza already is.' He replied, tipping some oil in and switching on the hob. 'Watch closely, Lily. You're about to learn a valuable life skill.'

'Hmm. Maybe some other time when I don't have a raging headache.' She answered, stumbling back into the living room. As sizzling noises travelled through from the kitchen, she bent over to pick up the TV remote.

'Who says there'll be another time, anyway?' He called through. She paused, fingers hovering over the remote. A smile crept onto her lips, and she chose not to answer.

Canned laughter filled the tiny living room, distracting Lily from the tension for a couple of minutes.

'Breakfast!' Iain shouted to be heard.

'Coming.' She wandered through, arms squeezed round her chest tightly as she watched him place the plate on the table.

'Cold?' He frowned, immediately noticing her body language.

She shook her head. 'No bra.'

'Oh.' His voice faltered, and she watched with intrigue as he tried to play it down. 'Well, I didn't notice that.. um.. earlier.'

'Because I also had no shorts on.' She raised an eyebrow.

'No. I mean, maybe. I-'

'Big T-shirt and pants is my slob outfit. I'd change, if I thought you would judge me. Friends don't judge though, do they?'

He breathed in, meeting her eyes. 'Friends don't what?'

Lily blinked, feeling the warmth of his body undeniably closer to hers. After what felt like an eternity, she finally cleared her throat. 'Treat me like you do.'

They stood there, completely still, before Iain finally turned to her.

'I didn't mean-' She begun, stuttering.

'Course you meant it.' He sighed, screwing his face up. 'This is so hard.'

'No, no it's not. I still have drink in my system, I-'

He looked at her, expression knowing and stony and analytical, all at the same time. 'Just eat the pizza.'

'I-I'm not hungry now. I-' She stammered.

'Don't eat it then.' He knocked the plate aside with a clatter, making her jump.

'Don't be cross...' She begun to plead, eyes filling with tears.

He gave a ragged sigh. 'I'm not cross. I just don't know what to do with these mixed signals. You make out like you are mentally unprepared for a relationship, scared of commitment and all that, and then you say that? I suggested just friends for your benefit, not mine.'

'You also said when I was ready to talk, we should.' She argued.

He chewed his lip. She was right. 'Yeah, yeah I did. You just took me by surprise, sorry.'

'That's okay.' She pulled the plate closer towards her again, beginning to nibble. 'Maybe we should have a proper chat later.'

'Yeah, alright.' He gave her an uneasy smile, before breaking the tension by swiping the last of the pizza out her hand.

'Hey!' She complained.

'You don't like crusts anyway, evidence to prove it.' He pulled a strand of her matted (but straight) hair slightly too vigorously.

'Ow! The curly hair thing is a myth, anyway. And besides - you mean to say you messed around with that frying pan for your own benefit?'

'No! I never said that!'

'But you knew I didn't like crusts. What would it matter if they went chewy unless you were intending on eating them?' She pointed out with a little pretend scowl.

'Maybe I was just fancying my chances.' He raised an eyebrow, throwing the plate in the sink with a clatter. 'Like you.'


End file.
